To be or not to be? That IS the question.
Will I BE happy or NOT be sad?
Will I BE healthy or NOT be riddled with disease?
Will I pursue life or avoid dying?
Will I hunger for righteousness or try to NOT sin too bad?
These seeming opposites are not two sides of the same coin. They are completely different currency.
For me, starting again today,
I will choose
to be.
What will you choose?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Word Manifested
A couple weeks ago I was laying in bed, just talking to the Lord about my life, when what looked like a Power Point screen dropped down on the back of my eyelids. Words flashed on the beige-colored background:
I took this to mean that the Lord was sending me an angel (or maybe two), to help open up paths in my life and lead me in an excellent way. I began thanking and praising God. But, as much as I appreciate them, this post is not about angels. I am deeply in love with Jesus and wherever there is revelation of Him is where I will hang my heart. So, while this vision has a story in itself, I just want to share the simple revelation of (and appreciation for) the person, Jesus, that it led to.
"And the angel is"
Next, glowing, underlined letters scrolled in from the left:
"Pathways, Excellence"
"Pathways, Excellence"
I took this to mean that the Lord was sending me an angel (or maybe two), to help open up paths in my life and lead me in an excellent way. I began thanking and praising God. But, as much as I appreciate them, this post is not about angels. I am deeply in love with Jesus and wherever there is revelation of Him is where I will hang my heart. So, while this vision has a story in itself, I just want to share the simple revelation of (and appreciation for) the person, Jesus, that it led to.
After seeing this image, I began telling the Lord I needed some kind of manifestation, at least a picture to go along with it. "Pathways". . . "excellence," . . . these are just words. How do I relate to that? How can I cooperate with letters on a screen? If this is real, then make it realistic!
Then my thoughts turned to God himself. What was it like to try to know God before He manifested Himself? When He seemed like just words? A few in the Old Testiment heard His voice, felt His wind, interacted with His Angel, or witnessed His fire. But to the great majority of mankind, He was a Word written in a scroll or uttered from the mouth of a prophet or priest. What faith they must have had to follow an incomprehensible God known only through words! How long must they have cried out, "Lord, we need some kind of picture to go along with this! How can we cooperate with letters on a page? If this is real, then make it realistic!"
And finally, He answered their prayer!
Even though Messiah was crucified before the foundation of the world, and all God intended for mankind could have been (and was) accomplished in the spiritual realm, He heard the cry of men to be able to relate, and He took His Word -- everything that was known about Him from all the ages -- and made it flesh.
He is the Word, written and spoken, and the Word is all that He is. That alone is enough, but WE needed a manifestation beyond symbols, and so He gave it. When Phillip said that all He wanted was to see the Father -- God, the creator, that ancient invisible word he'd heard all his life and never quite been able to grasp -- Jesus said, Here I am. If you've seen Me -- this flesh, this personality, this manifestation -- you have seen the invisible God that you crave.
Now quantum physics is beginning to explain the spirit realm in unimaginable ways. Words, appearantly both spoken and written, can evoke power to bring about changes in physical entities. Scientists talk about the "fingerprint of God" at subatomic levels. The line between spirit-energy and hard matter is becoming increasingly blurred. It's amazing! And confusing. I don't understand it, and this morning I wept as I realized how alone I would feel if I did not have a picture and stories of a Person who really lived on Earth, like me, who was the physical image of the non-physical God.
I know Him now through the work of the Holy Spirit, and yes, because God has poured out his Spirit of revelation in these last days, I have encountered Him in manifestations that have turned my body to jello. But would I recognize His face, or His nail-pierced hands, if He had not become flesh and died a physical death? I would love to have an angel named Pathway manifested to me so that I may know all the meaning that is held in that word and how to relate to it. Better still, all that the Word "God" means is already manifested in the person of Jesus, who not only became flesh on earth but continues to be manifested as a man in the heavenly realm.
Yes, I believe it's possible to know and experience God through words, through nature and music, through a feeling inside us, and through miraculous signs and wonders. I also believe that the most precious sign and wonder of all is that "the Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we beheld" - and continue to behold - "His glory" (John 1:14).
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wanna ride?
Once having laid ourselves upon the Corner Stone of Christ and his work, what is next? It isn’t enough to be dogmatic about the foundation of our faith. We’ve got to LIVE that faith. We are to be built together to be a living temple of living stones (1 Pet 2:4).
Recently the Lord keeps bringing back a vision that I had last summer. I had been contemplating horses because I’d had several horse dreams and knew that they represented self-effort, personal striving, the sweaty work of human flesh. Suddenly I saw myself wrestling with a big brown horse. It had a bit and bridle on and I thought that it was trained, but it was not doing anything I wanted. I was trying to get on it to ride but I could not control it or accomplish anything by trying to tame it. I was getting really frustrated. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw the foot of another animal step into my frame of reference. It was not a horse’s hoof. It was a paw. A huge, golden-colored paw. I guess I let go of the horse and looking up, found myself face-to-chest with a gigantic lion. I could see the straps of a halter or some kind of riding gear buckled across his chest. Instinctively I knew WHO it was and involuntarily fell on my face in the presence and sight of the majesty that surrounded him. After a few moments I sheepishly looked up and asked “May I ride you?” I just wanted to ride! He shook his mane and somehow caused me to stand to my feet. As I stood up, a black, disgusting mass fell off of me. It lay on the ground beside me in a puddle shaped like a person. I was embarrassed that I had even asked to get near him with all that sin and filth attached. He said nothing but I saw his head bend down and his mouth move toward the black shadow. Then his pink tongue stuck out and he began to lap it up. My stomach literally turned and I became sick, because I knew what was in that disgusting, rotten mess. But here he was licking it all up, taking it into himself! It was his will to take all of the filth away from me, so that I could go with him.
The vision ended and I had a couple days to digest the impact of seeing the King of Glory literally “eat” the poison of my sin. I could hardly do anything but weep. Finally I sat down, and basically said, Okay, God, what next? What is living like now? May I ride you? How?
I saw myself climbing upon the back of that lion, but as soon as I got on his back, I disappeared down inside of him, and he began to fly. Going with him was like becoming one with the wind. The molecules of our individual beings came undone and wrapped around each other. [As I type this now, I realize it is actually similar to JoAnn McFatter’s description of a quantum physics explanation of the intertwining of the spiritual and physical realms. (I may get into this later, for now read The Elijah List April 2, 2010 posting)].
There is an aspect of reality to this concept that in our understanding we can never grasp. Jesus prayed, “That they all may be one, [just] as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be one in Us.” (Jn 17:21). I think that by training our thoughts upon the finished work of Christ and all of its outcome, we become more and more embedded in Him and are able to move with Him rather than standing around wrestling with wild horses. We cannot tame our flesh. We can fall at his majesty and holiness, give our shame and striving to him, and become one with the Living God.
Francis Frangipane says “Let’s settle this truth once and for all: It is the nearness of God that produces our good. Christianity was never designed by God to be sustained by nice people trying to appear good. We’re not that good. We’re not that clever. And we’re not that nice. The only thing that can sustain true Christianity is true union with Jesus Christ. It is nearness to Him in all things that produces our spiritual fruit. … Therefore the strength of our walk does not originate from within ourselves; rather it comes from our relationship with Christ. Our virtue, if it can be defined as such, is that we have learned to prioritize seeking God and developing our oneness with Him. By this I mean, Jesus is not only first on our list of priorities; his influence rules over all our priorities. He inspires love in our relationships; His voice becomes the conviction in our integrity. God has made ‘Christ Jesus’ to be to us ‘wisdom … and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption’ (I Cor 1:30).”
Recently the Lord keeps bringing back a vision that I had last summer. I had been contemplating horses because I’d had several horse dreams and knew that they represented self-effort, personal striving, the sweaty work of human flesh. Suddenly I saw myself wrestling with a big brown horse. It had a bit and bridle on and I thought that it was trained, but it was not doing anything I wanted. I was trying to get on it to ride but I could not control it or accomplish anything by trying to tame it. I was getting really frustrated. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw the foot of another animal step into my frame of reference. It was not a horse’s hoof. It was a paw. A huge, golden-colored paw. I guess I let go of the horse and looking up, found myself face-to-chest with a gigantic lion. I could see the straps of a halter or some kind of riding gear buckled across his chest. Instinctively I knew WHO it was and involuntarily fell on my face in the presence and sight of the majesty that surrounded him. After a few moments I sheepishly looked up and asked “May I ride you?” I just wanted to ride! He shook his mane and somehow caused me to stand to my feet. As I stood up, a black, disgusting mass fell off of me. It lay on the ground beside me in a puddle shaped like a person. I was embarrassed that I had even asked to get near him with all that sin and filth attached. He said nothing but I saw his head bend down and his mouth move toward the black shadow. Then his pink tongue stuck out and he began to lap it up. My stomach literally turned and I became sick, because I knew what was in that disgusting, rotten mess. But here he was licking it all up, taking it into himself! It was his will to take all of the filth away from me, so that I could go with him.
The vision ended and I had a couple days to digest the impact of seeing the King of Glory literally “eat” the poison of my sin. I could hardly do anything but weep. Finally I sat down, and basically said, Okay, God, what next? What is living like now? May I ride you? How?
I saw myself climbing upon the back of that lion, but as soon as I got on his back, I disappeared down inside of him, and he began to fly. Going with him was like becoming one with the wind. The molecules of our individual beings came undone and wrapped around each other. [As I type this now, I realize it is actually similar to JoAnn McFatter’s description of a quantum physics explanation of the intertwining of the spiritual and physical realms. (I may get into this later, for now read The Elijah List April 2, 2010 posting)].
There is an aspect of reality to this concept that in our understanding we can never grasp. Jesus prayed, “That they all may be one, [just] as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be one in Us.” (Jn 17:21). I think that by training our thoughts upon the finished work of Christ and all of its outcome, we become more and more embedded in Him and are able to move with Him rather than standing around wrestling with wild horses. We cannot tame our flesh. We can fall at his majesty and holiness, give our shame and striving to him, and become one with the Living God.
Francis Frangipane says “Let’s settle this truth once and for all: It is the nearness of God that produces our good. Christianity was never designed by God to be sustained by nice people trying to appear good. We’re not that good. We’re not that clever. And we’re not that nice. The only thing that can sustain true Christianity is true union with Jesus Christ. It is nearness to Him in all things that produces our spiritual fruit. … Therefore the strength of our walk does not originate from within ourselves; rather it comes from our relationship with Christ. Our virtue, if it can be defined as such, is that we have learned to prioritize seeking God and developing our oneness with Him. By this I mean, Jesus is not only first on our list of priorities; his influence rules over all our priorities. He inspires love in our relationships; His voice becomes the conviction in our integrity. God has made ‘Christ Jesus’ to be to us ‘wisdom … and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption’ (I Cor 1:30).”
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Stone of Justice, Part 2
People are really hungry for God these days, but this foundation He has insisted on for the building of his house and his kingdom, well, it really is a problem (1 Peter 2:1-10, see previous post). It's huge, after all. This one big, sturdy, obvious corner stone, has become an offense and sadly, a stumbling block in the path to God. Critics may insist there are many ways to God - any way they seek - but cutting up the ordained Foundation into many pieces does not result in more foundation, it results in sand -- something impossible to build on.
I am NOT disparaging the many varied and beautiful cultures around the world and their unique passions, priorities, and views of the divine. And I most definitely do not despise the diverse manifestations of Christ to individual hurting hearts. The living stones that make up God's temple are varied. God is vast, and his dwelling place has many rooms (John 14:2), but it has only one foundation.
Perhaps this foundation is so offensive not because it is big or singular, but because it is bloody. Perhaps it is rejected because it dresses in the garb of servanthood. Perhaps it is frightening because it claims to BE God. Perhaps it is despised because it cannot be found just anywhere. No, the passage says God laid this foundation in a particular favored spot. It is not in Mecca, or Athens, or Badrinath, or Sedona.
God divinely laid this choice stone in ZION.
He planted it.
In the ground.
On a hill.
Called Calvary.
This means that mankind is not good enough to reach God. It means to be in relationship with God, we must go through another. It means our sacrifice is insufficient. It means that God is not only gracious and forgiving, but he is also just. Our sin and insufficiency cannot be overlooked.
They can only be crucified.
It also means we are not God, nor above him, nor equal to him. It means that we have neither a clue how, nor an ounce of power to be able, to reach Him or get him into our lives. This is humiliating if you're trying to be divine - or religious - but actually it's really good news. It means we can stop trying so hard.
We can just fling ourselves onto that big, bloody slab and rest on what he has done.
Rest on what he is.
It may not get us fortune or fame or personal fulfilment. It certainly does not promise a life free of stupid mistakes or even theological confusion. But the promise of 1 Peter 2 is that those who believe - who lay their head, their thinking, their ideologies, their hopes and dreams of connection with God - on this tried and true Cornerstone will "not be disappointed."
I am NOT disparaging the many varied and beautiful cultures around the world and their unique passions, priorities, and views of the divine. And I most definitely do not despise the diverse manifestations of Christ to individual hurting hearts. The living stones that make up God's temple are varied. God is vast, and his dwelling place has many rooms (John 14:2), but it has only one foundation.
Perhaps this foundation is so offensive not because it is big or singular, but because it is bloody. Perhaps it is rejected because it dresses in the garb of servanthood. Perhaps it is frightening because it claims to BE God. Perhaps it is despised because it cannot be found just anywhere. No, the passage says God laid this foundation in a particular favored spot. It is not in Mecca, or Athens, or Badrinath, or Sedona.
God divinely laid this choice stone in ZION.
He planted it.
In the ground.
On a hill.
Called Calvary.
This means that mankind is not good enough to reach God. It means to be in relationship with God, we must go through another. It means our sacrifice is insufficient. It means that God is not only gracious and forgiving, but he is also just. Our sin and insufficiency cannot be overlooked.
They can only be crucified.
It also means we are not God, nor above him, nor equal to him. It means that we have neither a clue how, nor an ounce of power to be able, to reach Him or get him into our lives. This is humiliating if you're trying to be divine - or religious - but actually it's really good news. It means we can stop trying so hard.
We can just fling ourselves onto that big, bloody slab and rest on what he has done.
Rest on what he is.
It may not get us fortune or fame or personal fulfilment. It certainly does not promise a life free of stupid mistakes or even theological confusion. But the promise of 1 Peter 2 is that those who believe - who lay their head, their thinking, their ideologies, their hopes and dreams of connection with God - on this tried and true Cornerstone will "not be disappointed."
The Stone of Justice, Part 1
God is big. The world is big. History is big.
I am small and don't know nearly as much as I used to think I did. There are so many theologies, so many ways of reaching out to connect with each other and that Something out there. So many ways to hope to manipulate "God" into being and doing what makes us feel happy and successful and fulfilled. What is right? Who or what IS God, anyway? And if I am not manifesting "success", am I somehow missing Him? Is there some other thing that I'm not doing that would launch me into fulfillment?
I know God is stretching my thinking, wriggling his way out of my theological box.
It's annoying.
And it's scarey.
And sometimes it hurts. So, a few days ago I asked specifically for a scripture that would bring healing to my confused, raw heart. I heard "First Peter. 2. 9, 8, 3." I asked the Lord what he wanted to talk to me about in the passage, and he told me, "Justice." Hmmmm... I didn't have any idea what the verses said, nor do I know why they came to me backwards. But as I read it, my heart flamed with a joy and peace I hadn't felt in weeks.
Here is the whole passage.
Jacob laid his head on a Stone. After fleeing his father's house undoubtedly filled with questions of who God is and what is Justice, he came to a field and laid down to sleep, laying his head on a stone (Gen 13). I know that Hebrew text never minces words or adds superlatives for the sake of sheer description, so there is meaning in this act. Resting upon that hard rock, Jacob's eyes were open to the spiritual realm and he witnessed the commerce between heaven and earth that assured him (and us) there is a God to be known and a way to reach his dwelling place. He did not receive this revelation by striving. He receieved it by resting. On a Stone. The Stone.
Psalm 37 tells us not to fret because there are those seeking other things who seem to prosper in their way. (Esau despised his birthright and took on the idolotrous culture around him, but guess who ended up getting to stay in the comforts of home?) The prosperity of the wicked will eventually become meaningless, but those who wait on the Lord will inherit his unending kingdom. More than that, they inherit HIM! That is the justice I got from from 1 Peter 2. I don't have success and money and exciting vacations or the family I have always dreamed of. But I have Jesus. To a skeptic, that may be simplistic and foolish, but to a Lover.... oh, to a Lover, it is more than enough! It is comfort and elation. It is a satisfied sigh. It is pure milk. To one who has "tasted the kindness of the Lord (vs3)" it is indeed justice. It is fair, because the comforts of the world will come and go. And if that is what others seek after, then that is their reward. But give me the Rock that doesn't fade away. Give me that Man who was tortured for the sake of love. Give me that Love.
I am small and don't know nearly as much as I used to think I did. There are so many theologies, so many ways of reaching out to connect with each other and that Something out there. So many ways to hope to manipulate "God" into being and doing what makes us feel happy and successful and fulfilled. What is right? Who or what IS God, anyway? And if I am not manifesting "success", am I somehow missing Him? Is there some other thing that I'm not doing that would launch me into fulfillment?
I know God is stretching my thinking, wriggling his way out of my theological box.
It's annoying.
And it's scarey.
And sometimes it hurts. So, a few days ago I asked specifically for a scripture that would bring healing to my confused, raw heart. I heard "First Peter. 2. 9, 8, 3." I asked the Lord what he wanted to talk to me about in the passage, and he told me, "Justice." Hmmmm... I didn't have any idea what the verses said, nor do I know why they came to me backwards. But as I read it, my heart flamed with a joy and peace I hadn't felt in weeks.
Here is the whole passage.
"Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord. And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For this is contained in Scripture: "BEHOLD, I LAY IN ZION A CHOICE STONE, A PRECIOUS CORNER stone, AND HE WHO BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED." This precious value, then, is for you who believe; but for those who disbelieve, "THE STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED, THIS BECAME THE VERY CORNER stone," and, "A STONE OF STUMBLING AND A ROCK OF OFFENSE"; for they stumble because they are disobedient to the word, and to this doom they were also appointed. But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were NOT A PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY. "At once my heart remembered its foundation! Jesus - my living Stone! Anchored again in truth, my heart was able to begin to soar again, to believe again, to trust again. All week I have read and reread this passage like a toddler cuddling a blankie, even wanting to press the open bible to my chest or lay my head tenderly on its meaning.
Jacob laid his head on a Stone. After fleeing his father's house undoubtedly filled with questions of who God is and what is Justice, he came to a field and laid down to sleep, laying his head on a stone (Gen 13). I know that Hebrew text never minces words or adds superlatives for the sake of sheer description, so there is meaning in this act. Resting upon that hard rock, Jacob's eyes were open to the spiritual realm and he witnessed the commerce between heaven and earth that assured him (and us) there is a God to be known and a way to reach his dwelling place. He did not receive this revelation by striving. He receieved it by resting. On a Stone. The Stone.
Psalm 37 tells us not to fret because there are those seeking other things who seem to prosper in their way. (Esau despised his birthright and took on the idolotrous culture around him, but guess who ended up getting to stay in the comforts of home?) The prosperity of the wicked will eventually become meaningless, but those who wait on the Lord will inherit his unending kingdom. More than that, they inherit HIM! That is the justice I got from from 1 Peter 2. I don't have success and money and exciting vacations or the family I have always dreamed of. But I have Jesus. To a skeptic, that may be simplistic and foolish, but to a Lover.... oh, to a Lover, it is more than enough! It is comfort and elation. It is a satisfied sigh. It is pure milk. To one who has "tasted the kindness of the Lord (vs3)" it is indeed justice. It is fair, because the comforts of the world will come and go. And if that is what others seek after, then that is their reward. But give me the Rock that doesn't fade away. Give me that Man who was tortured for the sake of love. Give me that Love.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Practiced Presence leads to Greater Presence
In this year of favor, there is a God to be known. Not known about, but experienced! Don't analyse it too much, just live it. Start with where you are, what you know, and practice that! In the "doing" of faith we get to the next level of faith. In the practice of God's presence we experience deeper, greater amounts of His presence.
Let us always be crying out for more. Let us never leave off seeking greater revelation. But let us absorb what we have already received and partake of what is already ours. Let us live as children of the house, not as beggars on the street pounding on the door of the home to which we already own the key!
Let us always be crying out for more. Let us never leave off seeking greater revelation. But let us absorb what we have already received and partake of what is already ours. Let us live as children of the house, not as beggars on the street pounding on the door of the home to which we already own the key!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Raw-er Relationship
The last couple weeks have been sorta broken-feeling and I've been cocooning. There's been a cracking of the outer shell of my being that I didn't realize was so stiff, a new peeling off of layers I didn't know were there. I feel raw . . . and alive and happy and sad and angry and relieved all at the same time.
Everything about life with God this year has been relationship relationship relationship. Life is supposed to be about knowing him, not just knowing what he can do, or what I can do with his power. But this stripping away of myself -- of my good deeds, my successes, my prophetic-ness -- has shown me just how self-absorbed I have been in my relationship with God.
A few days ago I threw myself on the bed and lamented in hopeless groanings. Have I ever been in relationship with God? Do I even know what relationship is? Have I ever had relationship with anybody? How do I know if I "know" another being? I thought of my mom and dad, whose home I share. Do I really know them? Do I really "have relationship" with them? In my brokenness I could see how surface-oriented and selfish our dealings with each other have been, and in my analysis of the situation deemed myself and all my so-called relationships unfit. . . even fraud. God, forgive me! I cried.
In the next instant it was if a ray of light broke through and I saw truth. In one sense, I DON'T know how to truly be in relationship -- that is, to truly "relate" to others. In another, it is downright silly for me to say that I do not have relationship with my parents whom I have loved and honored my whole life and with whom I now share living space, meals, work, and play. Perhaps we are each absorbed with our own concerns and there are indeed levels of intimacy that have not been (and may never be) tapped, but that does not mean that I do not know them or they me. It is the same with my God. I realized that in all my trying so hard to achieve relationship, I had forgotten what I had of it to begin with. I had started analyzing it instead of living it. God IS near at hand. His Spirit DOES live inside me. I DO think his thoughts after him. I have approached him often absorbed in my own concerns and there are indeed levels of intimacy I can barely imagine, let alone reach, but the God of the universe IS my friend!
I know, from personal experience, that he is funny, tender, forgiving, full of wisdom, and always knows where my car keys are! He speaks to me through spring flowers about who he is and what he's done. He lovingly corrects me through dreams and brings just the right book at just the right time. He gives me pictures of the knowing grin on his face as he walks beside me as if he has some giant secret up his sleeve, and whispers "I know how you feel" in response to my complaints. I know that he often prods, but never yells, sometimes scolds, but never shames, and like a patient teacher, finds new ways to tell me once again what he has already told me a hundred times before.
I know that knowing God really is impossible. I also know that he, himself, because of his great desire to know us, made the impossible possible when he became human flesh and died as a man to pay the unthinkable price of a torn veil.
And so, if he was willing to do that in order to know me, I will be willing to go through this breaking process to know him.... better. I will live this knowing into deeper and raw-er levels of relationship. Perhaps I should say, deeper and raw-er levels of "relating".
Peel away at the layers of my defenses, my Lover, my Friend . . . however raw I may feel. . . until you and I are one! There is no higher calling.
Everything about life with God this year has been relationship relationship relationship. Life is supposed to be about knowing him, not just knowing what he can do, or what I can do with his power. But this stripping away of myself -- of my good deeds, my successes, my prophetic-ness -- has shown me just how self-absorbed I have been in my relationship with God.
A few days ago I threw myself on the bed and lamented in hopeless groanings. Have I ever been in relationship with God? Do I even know what relationship is? Have I ever had relationship with anybody? How do I know if I "know" another being? I thought of my mom and dad, whose home I share. Do I really know them? Do I really "have relationship" with them? In my brokenness I could see how surface-oriented and selfish our dealings with each other have been, and in my analysis of the situation deemed myself and all my so-called relationships unfit. . . even fraud. God, forgive me! I cried.
In the next instant it was if a ray of light broke through and I saw truth. In one sense, I DON'T know how to truly be in relationship -- that is, to truly "relate" to others. In another, it is downright silly for me to say that I do not have relationship with my parents whom I have loved and honored my whole life and with whom I now share living space, meals, work, and play. Perhaps we are each absorbed with our own concerns and there are indeed levels of intimacy that have not been (and may never be) tapped, but that does not mean that I do not know them or they me. It is the same with my God. I realized that in all my trying so hard to achieve relationship, I had forgotten what I had of it to begin with. I had started analyzing it instead of living it. God IS near at hand. His Spirit DOES live inside me. I DO think his thoughts after him. I have approached him often absorbed in my own concerns and there are indeed levels of intimacy I can barely imagine, let alone reach, but the God of the universe IS my friend!
I know, from personal experience, that he is funny, tender, forgiving, full of wisdom, and always knows where my car keys are! He speaks to me through spring flowers about who he is and what he's done. He lovingly corrects me through dreams and brings just the right book at just the right time. He gives me pictures of the knowing grin on his face as he walks beside me as if he has some giant secret up his sleeve, and whispers "I know how you feel" in response to my complaints. I know that he often prods, but never yells, sometimes scolds, but never shames, and like a patient teacher, finds new ways to tell me once again what he has already told me a hundred times before.
I know that knowing God really is impossible. I also know that he, himself, because of his great desire to know us, made the impossible possible when he became human flesh and died as a man to pay the unthinkable price of a torn veil.
And so, if he was willing to do that in order to know me, I will be willing to go through this breaking process to know him.... better. I will live this knowing into deeper and raw-er levels of relationship. Perhaps I should say, deeper and raw-er levels of "relating".
Peel away at the layers of my defenses, my Lover, my Friend . . . however raw I may feel. . . until you and I are one! There is no higher calling.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)